This is different from the practitioner who chose to perform various rituals and ceremonies, or who wields certain spiritual and magical arts. They can let it go. It will easily go from them if they want it to.
The shaman, called, must fight or negotiate, and even then release is unlikely and uncertain.
These are the paths of the shaman, who, once called must answer through these patterns. They may cross over at times, they may interfere with each other, but the shaman will go through at least one of these IN FULLNESS.
The Death road.
The Madness road.
The Service road.
The Art road.
The Refusal road.
The Destruction road.
The Priestly road.
Herewith find them described:
On the Death road, the shaman dies. Typically a medical illness that despite all attempts cannot be eased (by much) or cured. Physical suffering and death are the means by which this road is performed. It is the least likely to produce functional persons. About 1 percent of shamans called to Death will die before becoming practitioners of the shamanic way; all others tend to recover eventually. Death paths give the shaman an aura of darkness as if they were a carrier of fear and evil, because the living usually fear death; but also the shaman receives an understanding of the cycles of life and death, illness and recovery.
On the Madness road, the shaman becomes insane. This insanity rarely responds to drugs in a reasonable way, persisting long after they have been applied. That said, drugs are often a hindrance to a Madness sufferer. Only regular self-checks and a well-grounded friend who is accepting or knowledgeable in the spirit ways can help at that point. Madness sufferers will not always fully recover, and they carry an aura of disorientation as well as a sense of the leaping disconnects of both genius (enlightenment) and insanity, even when their focus is clear and their minds functional; the gift of finishing this path is that the mind is made clear even in the worst suffering, if one is able to do the work well and appropriately.
On the Service road, the shaman is eaten away by demands of service and even slavery (this can include wage slavery and economic oppression, physical enslavement, and/or spiritual bindings). The means of empowerment and abundance are taken away, one by one, until nothing remains (for a time). Only by learning to give deeply without losing oneself can one regain abundance and be able to give as one desired once to do. The shaman carries after this an aura of humility and weakness, which attracts those who desire to use them... but also repels those who wield power against them.
On the Art road, one begins with a powerful urge to some art form, its practice, its use. That person lives, eats, and breathes that art. Then it is taken utterly away, and cannot be practiced; the art that person once knew is replaced with another, and only full acceptance of the new art will allow them access to the old. Only then will the shaman begin to understand why the first art was their true love. From this path the shaman gains an appreciation of art and its vitality to life, and their aura carries the sense of the artiste, one who is refined in many arts but also perhaps "too refined for you" -- or conversely, the nerd, whose knowledge is so in-depth it can be alienating but whose enthusiasm is highly compelling.
On the Refusal road, the shaman is forced into a rejection of something vital to them, or it is taken utterly away from them. Not only favorite things, but even things necessary to survival (physical or emotional) such as food or communication. Eventually personal abilities are also refused them. Gradually the shaman is weaned off dependence upon most material things, and even spiritual things, until they begin to learn to apply their tools and abilities without depending on these tools' existence. This includes the tools of body and mind. The shaman gains from this an aura of both resignation and dedication, such that those who look will see an ancient warrior refined to absolute purity.
On the Destruction road, sometimes practiced by devout Buddhists, the shaman loses everything, often precipitously. They are then forced to rebuild, repeatedly, only to have it taken away or destroyed in front of them. The lesson here is to build as if the work were meant to last, without holding tightly onto it; and to hold little attachment to one's physical product, but rather hold attachment to the work and quality of effort which went into it. The aura of the shaman carries from destruction both terroristic trauma and the message that devotion is worth pursuit.
On the Priestly road, the shaman becomes inundated with requests and opportunities for counseling and ritual, so that they find it difficult to live their own life. Often the shaman is swarmed or surrounded with psychic or emotional vampires who will feed off their liveliness and personal energies. This effort is to ensure that the shaman is ready and able to carry the wisdom of Spirit into the lives of others without losing themselves, and to fight for themselves and the People in whatever way is necessary. Only by achieving an emotional purity of purpose and carrying the specific messages and energies that the gods and spirits desire will the shaman be released from this path (into their new, priestly, life). This is always the final path of the shaman, even if it starts before, or coincides with, others. The aura of the shaman from this road is the mark of the priest, who walks before others and carries a light of awakening and truth -- often uncomfortable, driving away the twisted or false, but always reliable and ready to provide what is needed.
As to my calling, well...
We'll see. It seems I was in fact called as a shaman, but too many were putting pressure on me so that I could not work through my personal issues in any way. I was being replaced as a person, rather than successfully living my life as I was eventually meant to do (and as I had meant to do all along).
It seems I actually had to destroy my teachers in order to advance. What a terrible thing to do. :/
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