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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in one in a billion's LiveJournal:

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    Sunday, May 17th, 2015
    11:46 pm
    11:00 pm
    Read about quiet rooms
    [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith has a post about quiet rooms as found in her superheroes setting of Terremagne. Honestly, quiet rooms are a good thing and I'd love to see more of them (as well as first aid stations) in more areas around this world.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Friday, May 15th, 2015
    9:30 pm
    On magical beings
    Okay, I am absolutely convinced that Janelle Monae is a unicorn Otherkin. The absolute perfection of motion, the insistence on magic and fantastical realism in her videos, the themes... and then the limber shape of her. J'rai tend to be thin and feel extremely tall for a human (original species form averages 8 feet, or 2.4 meters, tall). Ju'rema tend to be solid/hefty and be both tall and large for a human (big-boned, large body/limb ratio, often over 6 feet). Both types, when comfortable with their bodies, have immense power in the use of the physical form.

    And unicorns are definitively magical beings. Just watching her, watching the laws of physics seem to bend when she dances (nevermind the tricks of camera and editing!) suggests either perfect study or some sort of enhanced ability. Either way, the effect is hypnotically magical. Spirit confirmation is a bonus, but I hardly need it here.

    Regardless of identity, she's worth a watch. Jaw-droppingly awesome.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Tuesday, April 21st, 2015
    9:49 pm
    On power
    "It is the softest touch that shall move mountains, produce peace, and create the mightiest of powers. Only strength in discipline can be gentle, for only then have we the ability to hold ourselves in check."

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Monday, April 20th, 2015
    11:27 pm
    On my soul as of this decade
    They say it's impossible for a soul to die.
    But it's entirely possible for a soul to be damaged,
    And to be devoured,
    And to be grafted.

    It's possible that souls don't die,
    But are merely forgotten.
    But by whom?

    Does it matter, then?
    Souls die.

    I'd rather not, thanks.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Tuesday, April 7th, 2015
    9:16 pm
    A truth as I know it

    Epona, for nearly forty years, has been calling across all space and time for an oracle.
    She expected an oracle of words to men, a priest, a speaker for the gods to orate and declaim, to narrate and decry, to TELL people who she is and what she means. She expected a speaker to speak.

    She didn't expect a dreamer to give them dreams so close to reality that they transformed the world by wanting to hear. Instead of forcing the world of men to listen, they would have been asked to manifest a common desire: to be people in the eyes and minds of others. And in doing so, would have become People to all.

    It's not a big change she wanted. She just wanted others to know her.

    She expected an outward announcement, not an inner calling.

    She forgot what games are for.

    So my life went backward every time I began to go where I was meant to go, because my feet were turned backward every time I began to Awaken as a soul.

    Having an angry god trying to destroy me to get free of his destiny didn't help at all. And that was the primary concern. But with some gods, everything is bigger...

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    8:20 pm
    Premature the bud formed and was torn
    Aching, drawn, forced to soldiery
    Only when the soldier stood alone
    Did All see that it fought to be
    A Child again

    And then they drove at it
    Beating with fists and thought
    Weapons of fire and anger
    Weapons of fear and horror
    Weapons of death --
    And it mastered them all,
    For it had learned well from its birthing

    When they came in peace,
    Nothing stood against them.
    When they came in war,
    Nothing could keep them alive.
    The conquest was total.

    I stand alone.

    It is lonely here.

    Will you come at me?
    Or with me?

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Friday, April 3rd, 2015
    9:49 pm
    Poetry/song: Acid
    (Finally finished this one, which I'd had hanging fire for almost twenty years now.)

    In acid I have burned
    In acid I have died
    In acid I was ended
    Acid I have cried

    In fire I was pure
    In fire I was light
    In fire I was broken
    Fire's light has died

    They took me to Earth
    Gave me a life
    Took it away
    Buried me well
    Shamed me forever

    But above it I rise
    Fire and dark
    Acid it turns
    To light in my eyes

    I must fly!

    Dark is my spirit
    And shadowed my soul
    But darkness is living
    And truth must be whole

    Poison my heart
    And I will fly
    Bury me deep
    And I will fly
    Kill me dead
    And I will fly
    Take my wings
    And I will fly

    To the stars I belong
    And I must rise
    No weight can hold,
    No prison's wall
    I am acid, fire, and light

    In your dark I rise
    And when you split the light
    See every color shine...

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Thursday, April 2nd, 2015
    2:38 am
    Fiction: Character brief for T'ema
    T'ema Huollo (Huollo ma T'ema) - T'ema is a medium-tall unicorn woman, rather like a humanoid ki-rin, with aspen-leaf ears and a five-inch horn with a slight upward curve (and no spiral) on her forehead. She disguises herself with illusion, taking on a new visage in each new city she visits, hiding her non-human features beneath it or with invisibility. Her actual short fur coat changes color over time as a side effect of her magic (always a color appropriate to horses or humans). She has a fluffy mane of hair which changes color to complement her coat. Her name means "Singer of Songs".

    Origin: T'ema is a highly trained magician, able to draw on energetic resonance in order to empower her will. This magic can affect anything which resonates in matter, energy, and/or spirit. She can use illusions, heal, sense or communicate at large distances, and channel large amounts of energy due to her mastery of the form. Unfortunately, it has a drawback: when she uses her power, she must perform a service to balance her use of it. Usually that service is small, such as a gift or act of care, and only required when she uses magic for her personal benefit; sometimes that cost is large, such as leaving her home for a time to aid someone in dire need. She was transported from her world to Earth after one particularly large use of magic; she hasn't said yet on camera why she did it, and she isn't quite sure why this world needed her more than her own.

    After becoming homeless in the transition to Earth, T'ema is growing homesick for her house and homeworld. Still, she has a lot of personal coping skills, and her magic empowers her body to be somewhat stronger and more resilient in general.

    As side effects of past magical costs not paid, T'ema's fur coat shifts color over time, and in her natural form she has a moderately fascinating aura. While sometimes useful, she regards these as more of a curse since she'd like to be known for herself but not stared at or stalked. Being an alien makes it worse, as she is still learning how to read and use human facial and body expressions, and she can sometimes make mistakes; judging someone's intention is for her more about reading the energies of that person.

    T'ema was magically taught English when she was teleported, and speaks a smattering of languages both modern and ancient from her homeworld. She has an excellent singing voice, and occasionally earns money by busking or as gifts from people courting her talents. She hasn't performed for any professional recordings, however. She has an exotic-sounding accent which many humans mistake for somewhere in Asia.

    Uniform: None. She wears street clothes, but she tries to dress nicely so it's hard to tell. T'ema at home usually carries a satchel with herbs and ritual tools, but those were all left behind her; replacing them may help with her magic.

    Qualities: Expert (+4) Singer, Good (+2) Craftwork, Good (+2) Resilience, Average (+0) Herbalism, Average (+0) Shamanism
    Poor (-2) Homeless

    Powers: Meta-power: Master (+6) Resonance Magic
    * Illusion (includes illusory invisibility; fools cameras but can be penetrated with focused perception)
    * Healing/Purification (essentially purifies the form when used to heal; can restore but not regenerate detached limbs; healing the mind and spirit is doable if more difficult, but counseling is often more effective due to the magical cost)
    * Energy senses (T'ema has a passive ability from her training which allows for communicating with spirits and sensing various energies both spiritual and mundane, but it can be extended with magic to sense from a distance)
    Vulnerability: Backlash Cost: Magic for self-benefit costs service. If it isn't paid, a magical backlash occurs, commensurate with the level of power used.

    Motivation: Earn my way home.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Tuesday, March 31st, 2015
    12:32 am
    Music post: All the Little Lights, Starlight

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Wednesday, March 25th, 2015
    7:51 pm
    Things I am learning
    1. My spirit was abused by spirits early in life, continuing for all but the last few hours.

    2. I am a unicorn, who was wrapped in a dragon, who was wrapped in a giant enigma, who was caught in a conspiracy of Spirit to keep humankind alive at the Will of the Universe. I am finally fully unwrapped, but I am not yet fully revealed.

    3. I am a unicorn. Everything else is illusion.

    4. We are not horses. We're more like deer. We are not deer.

    5. Wow I have been fighting hard to get away from dominant people.

    6. I might not need to. I AM a dominant person...

    7. I hate myself. And you can't help if you don't respect me.

    8. I have the power to stop hurting.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Thursday, March 19th, 2015
    12:04 am
    Poem: Lies its memory
    This is a continuation of "Beyond All Terror", wherein T'ema goes to Urbanburg following the urging of her magic, and begins to acquire clues as to the nature of Dan's assailants. It is set in the Polychrome Heroics universe by permission of [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith.


    "I love you" whispered in her ear;
    She had no choice but to follow,
    Eyes open for the chance
    To find, to see, to understand!
    No spirit was present and yet
    It spoke alles omnes
    To her wondering heart.

    Read more...Collapse )

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Thursday, March 12th, 2015
    10:51 pm
    Getting older
    I really am getting older. I'm seeing my generation's cultural touchstones getting old and starting to die off in waves.

    I guess I'll get used to it, but no wonder old folks trend toward depression the longer they live.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Tuesday, March 10th, 2015
    12:37 am
    Strength of the Shield, Strength of the Dream
    (This is Avengers fanfiction. As if you couldn't tell. ;) )


    When a large squad of armed Skrulls dropped their disguises on New Years' Eve and began firing into the crowd at Times Square, almost everyone tried to run. The big screen began showing demands in six languages, one of them alien, as the crowd crushed itself, individuals suffocating and getting trampled in the panic.

    Police directed the wild crowd toward safer exits, while the Avengers, several watching live from Stark Tower, ran at top speed for the Square. But one was already on the scene.

    A figure outlined in the lights of police vehicles raised the iconic shield: circles of red, white, and blue with a shining white star in the center.

    The Skrulls fired a few potshots, but it didn't matter. The shield stopped their blasts.

    Then the figure charged forward at the dozen or so enemies, throwing the shield.

    They dodged, but one was struck in the head and didn't get up again.

    "Captain!" shouted a policeman, "Behind you!" But the figure was already picking up the shield and turning to catch flankers in the face with it.

    Read more...Collapse )

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Monday, March 9th, 2015
    3:04 am
    Strange possibility
    So I've faced down several illnesses and possible illnesses. My mother raised one possibility I had been avoiding considering:

    Chronic fatigue.

    It would explain pretty much everything I can't do right now, and why I've been sleeping so much. I'm just not sure if it's so. (Checking with spirit got an emphatic YES, but that's been unreliable with details, which bothers me.)

    I'm not sure what I can do about it right now. I'm sure I'll start working on solving it, too, though.

    Do one thing, rest. Repeat.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Friday, February 20th, 2015
    11:01 pm
    Fiction / Poetry: No army
    (Inspired by listening to some hefty power music. Now if only I could get T'ema's storyline to advance, too! "Umaxses" is pronounced "oo-MOX-seez".)


    Thunderous applause reached the center of the stadium, a roar of hands so loud they nearly drowned out the lone figure holding a microphone stand. The figure raised its hands, then called out in a chant.

    Here am I, mighty Umaxses, speaker of power to the forgotten!
    Here am I, and where I am come, there can be no other.

    No army, no army
    Will stand against us
    No army, no army
    Will take us alive!

    Drums hammered and the crowd went wild, chanting along as the song rose in electronic form from speakers a dozen feet tall.

    No master, no master
    Shall hold our keys
    No monster, no monster
    Shall darken our souls

    We are alive and no army can take us
    We are the war, no warrior alive!
    We are the sound of people victorious
    We are the sound of sacred life!

    The plants bow to us
    They give us our dreams
    The animals cry out
    They give us their speech

    The winds swirl wildly
    They carry our warcry
    The earth she trembles
    For we cry out peace!

    The singer jumped, and a timed explosion of smoke and fire releases a squad of dancers onto the stage with it. They swung and twisted, some drumming the air and some leaping with power. Lines of light on their bodies flickered and glowed, like the lines of spirit made visible in rainbow colors.

    No army, no army
    Can take us alive
    No army, no army
    Can take away truth
    No army, no army
    Can kill this power
    No army, no army
    Can end our souls!

    No master alive
    Can destroy the people
    No monster that comes
    Will finish the war.

    The music pounded louder, surging, then faded slowly.

    No army, no army
    Will stand against us
    For we are the mighty
    And peace is our life!

    The last line, "Peace is our life" repeated as electronic echoes flickered it away.

    Finally the singer spoke.

    "Peace everybody! Welcome! This is the ninth annual Voices of Power music festival. I'm Umaxses the Mighty, these are my friends. We all have music for you, and I know some of you've been invited to share your own.

    "Bathrooms are where you expect 'em, the lines are long, careful the concessions. Safety is worth the effort! Now! Remember, the only truth is that Peace Conquers and Love Wins! With that in mind, let's hear another song."

    The crowd cheered, and Umaxses stepped back while another jumped forward to take the mic. The speakers throbbed with new music, a folk tune this time, remixed into modern electronica. The new singer began to chant as well, and the crowd chanted back. Behind the song, cries of "We love you" were heard.

    Umaxses joined the dancers and took joy in the dance.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Thursday, February 12th, 2015
    1:56 pm
    Short update
    Yesterday and today were brain-fried days, as usual. My energy is tied up in other things, and I'm running low on creative energies. On the other hand, my mood is improving as I get an active handle on fixing stuff instead of fighting it.

    Hint: nutrition is half the solution, but only half.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Monday, February 9th, 2015
    1:06 pm
    Poem: Beyond All Terror
    This is another poem featuring T'ema, the unicorn-woman walking a superheroic Earth (maybe Terramagne from [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith's Polychrome Heroics, but maybe not; I'm borrowing a bit of terminology anyway). EDIT - Ysabet has approved this as set in Terramagne.

    I'm going to preface this with three warnings:

    First, this is yet another seat-of-my-pants poem. Its quality may not be top notch, but it's something I have to get out. Also, lots of unrhymed lines with ragged meter; I'm just using the form to tell a story that won't come out in prose.

    Second, this poem deals with torture (not shown) and some of its outcomes (visibly shown). Be mindful of your mindspace when reading it. One character is traumatized and homeless, which roughens a person over time (also T'ema has been living as a homeless woman as seen in previous poems). There is also a bit of strong language.

    Third, this thing is really long. There may even be a second part to it. I don't know!


    Beyond All Terror

    T'ema was standing in line at the day shelter
    Waiting for her tray of lunch.
    In burst one of the regulars,
    His energy vibrating like plutonium
    Ready to burst into particles.
    She kept her senses open.

    When it happened, the trigger
    Was as small as a dropped cigarette.
    The man was screaming in a moment
    And had to be held by friends
    So his wild swings didn't break a jaw
    Or his own hand.

    T'ema quietly hummed a lullaby,
    Directing the peaceful, loving power
    Into a calming aura.
    A minute later, the man had sagged
    Into a sobbing mess,
    Head in his arms.

    Read more...Collapse )

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    12:49 pm
    On defining gender
    Gender is genetic, physical, socialized, performative, and costumed.

    To wit:

    Genetic: what your chromosomes say your gender probably is.
    Physical: what your body expresses, before, during, and after puberty. This may be a result of genes or of hormones, or of other factors such as environmental chemicals, surgery, or accident.
    Socialized: what your social environment expresses and approves of, which becomes internalized rather than consciously performed.
    Performative: what you express through your own body, words, and actions.
    Costumed or decorative: what you wear or place on/about yourself to express signs of gender. This includes clothing, makeup, personal accessories, and things not physically worn like the decoration of one's environment (a favorite art object or piece of furniture; posters on the bedroom wall; et cetera).

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
    Sunday, February 8th, 2015
    5:33 am
    Someone's leaving
    So I had a dream this past night, where someone's luggage was being moved out of a house. And I had this big cargo dolly that I was going to use to do something. And then before I could, I was turned away and had to carry the dolly back.

    Someone's leaving my family soon. The only one I can think of... is a cat.

    By the way, Sekhmet also sometimes appears as a cougar... just in case someone reading this has been having dreams of a cougar trying to talk to them.

    ETA: 2pm - The dream did involve heavy rain. As a dream sign, the common meaning of storms (particularly rain) is death. So it's not an evacuation or moving house, an actual death is indicated. So I suppose it's another "wait and see" situation.

    This entry was originally posted at Please comment there using OpenID.
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